Thursday, 17 June 2010
Last night was wonderful :)
It was the book launch for the anthology I was lucky enough to be included in, and it was so much lovelier than I expected. I don't do well with the centre-of-attention thing, and I was sort-of-looking-forward-to-it while also definitely-kind-of-dreading-it. I have this tendency to get uber-embarrassed by all things I-write-poetry-related, and this was no exception. I thought I would spend the whole evening looking a little green around the gills and visibly quivering.
But mostly, I just felt lucky that so many people came to support me (even if I did feel judderingly embarrassed and nervous about it all). My three best friends. My sister. My friends' parents. Sometimes, I pretend that I'm in this little bubble, which is all well and good, but sometimes it's beautiful to break that bubbleskin and breathe the air outside it and hear what the people you love and who love you are saying to you: congratulations, and we love you, and well done!
I appear to have gone all Pollyanna. I do apologise.
I will be grumpy and disgustingly unappreciative next time, I promise :)
Posted by Cheryl at 23:50
Monday, 14 June 2010
Wednesday, 2 June 2010
5 things you cannot live without? 4 things you like about yourself? 3 things that can always make you happy? 2 things you are passionate about? 1 thing you will always remember?
5 things I cannot live without:
1. Notebooks - I have notebooks for everything. I have one that is solely for lists, another for bits and pieces of poems - just the idea, or a first line, or an image. I have another for drawings and doodlings. I have another where I keep a note of all the books I have read. Another for things I want to remember. And so on and so on, to notebook infinity : )
2. Poetry - I literally eat, breathe and sleep poetry. I read it, I write it. I honestly think poetry keeps me from going crazy. It's my way of putting the world into some sort of order.
3. Lipbalm - I keep a different lipbalm in every bag I own so that even if I forget to take one with me, I have one available. My favourite is strawberry chapstick, which actually tastes like candyfloss.
4. Moisturiser - Even when I hated everything about the way I looked, I was grateful for my good skin. Consequently, I have always looked after it. I also love that good moisturisers smell amazing so that you get a gorgeous scent every time you move. I particularly love the Kate Moss moisturiser - it smells like roses, and lasts for ever.
5. Cheese - if I could only eat one food for the rest of my life, it would be cheese. I love it. Brie with grapes. Stinky blue-veined Stilton. Mature cheddar with pickle. Crumbly goats' cheese. Any cheese! All cheese!
4 things I like about myself:
2. I am a hopeless romantic.
3 things that can always make me happy:
Posted by Cheryl at 20:37
Posted by Cheryl at 00:06
Saturday, 22 May 2010
This may not seem so revelatory; it's a thought I've had many times before in one sense or another, but always in a passive way. I could go somewhere or not go somewhere, for example; I could wear the green dress or the red dress, etc. But this time it was like being hit by lightning. It went right to my core. And I thought, all excited, I get to make every decision I want! I can choose what I want to do or say or think! I get to choose! (Again, this may not seem like a particularly blinding realisation, but bear with me).
I had an eating problem for the longest time. And mostly, it's resolved now. But even so, when I'm feeling stressed, or rejected, or just downright fat, it rears its ugly head to say, 'well. We know how to solve this, don't we? Just stop with the eating for a while'. Lately, while agonising over the decision I wasn't sure about, that ugly little head has been rearing up quite frequently. And so this idea of choice, when it arose, really excited me. I realised, all of a sudden, that I don't have to choose to give in to those little relapses. I can choose instead eat something, to fuel the body that I need to be healthy so that I can go to places and do things instead of having to lie around, listless and pale as wax. And this idea of choice being a core thing, something that applies to the hugest things in my life as well as whether to buy the cherry lipgloss or the grape lipgloss, just stunned me.
And ever since, I have been walking around with a big smile on my face. Even yesterday, when some work-stuff went awry and I felt myself sliding into oh-no-everything's-going-wrong territory, I chose (chose) to stop and take a second to think about things instead. And then I chose to smile anyway, because I could either feel stressed and then probably work inefficiently as a result (I tend to flap like a baby bird out of the nest when I'm flustered) which would only lead to more stress, or I could think, well, what has happened has happened. How am I going to fix that?
And that is what I did.
Posted by Cheryl at 08:05
Wednesday, 31 March 2010
Posted by Cheryl at 21:13
Wednesday, 25 November 2009
Posted by Cheryl at 20:43